


you and I were fire

by blaueskleid



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Aromantic, Dream Pack (Raven Cycle), Gen, Homophobic Language, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Joseph Kavinsky is His Own Warning, M/M, Other, References to Drugs, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24527332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaueskleid/pseuds/blaueskleid
Summary: I don't know how to summarize this, I'm sorry. I'm just very sad about Kavinsky and wanted to hurt myself and a friend a little bit more.Titel from 'the fourth of july' by fall out boy
Relationships: Joseph Kavinsky/Prokopenko, Joseph Kavinsky/Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch & The Dream Pack
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	you and I were fire

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work I've ever done in English so please be nice and I would appreciate kudos or feedback very much :)

Before Ronan Lynch, everything was alright. It was just Kavinsky and him, trying to get through high-school like every other teenager in amarica.  
It was never perfect because that's just not how the world works, but they were surviving.  
Most parts of them, anyway.  
And now everything was too much.  
Too much drugs, to get through school, but too much school to stay sober. The music was too loud and the party's too wild and the fights between them to violent.  
He misses the sober smile from Kavinsky. His real smile left in the moment, Prokos real Body sunk to the ground. It just got back to greet Lynch.  
But that Asshole didn't know and could never appreciate what that even means. What a fucking power he had.  
Proko tried to make Kanvinsky smile since they moved to Henrietta. No, that's not true, he tried to make him smile since he knew him. And Lynch just had to come over and say one sentence and Kavinsky tries to hide his smile behind drugs and alcohol and pointless insultings.  
It wasn't fair.  
Proko didn't want to watch any of it but it felt like a car crash and he couldn't take his eyes of them, fighting and insulting and eyefucking each other.  
Fucking Lynch. 

-  
Proko and Kavinsky have met at the young age of 13 years, scared of their own fathers and with dreams way to big for their skinny bodies. 

The first time, that Proko tough he was in Love, it was awful.  
As a closed gay teenager with no idea what was wrong with him, he just did what the boy said. Everyone talked about how sweet love is but this wasn't sweet. It was in a rush and the boy was probably way older than him and they had to hide.  
The hand that guided down his mouth and whole body was hard on the back of his head and his knees hurt from kneeling on the cold ground. It was awful. And after it, with that weird taste in Prokos mouth, to little oxygen in his lungs and tears in his eyes, the boy pulled him up on his hair, locked in his face, laughed and called him a fag.  
His Knees were bruised.  
And little did Proko know but after that, everything went down hill.  
-

Skov didn't understand crushes. It wasn't a concept he could get his head around. Romantic love wasn't a concept we wanted to understand. He tried relationships. With boys and girls and in-between and nothing felt right.  
Whenever he liked someone, wich was rarely, but still, his brain just didn't want to make it love.  
In his opinion, Swan was nearly perfect. Swan who flirts with his pretty mouth. Swan who smells like weed and coffee and kinda like home.  
But it wasn't love. He didn't gets nervous around him. He didn't felt like he had butterflys in his stomach. He didn't thought only about him and ever just him.  
He was the only person in the world Skov really liked and his brain did nothing. Didn't activated what was necessary to feel love. 

And when Swan finally trapt him and they had sex, it was kinda mind-blowing but he couldn't feel the love, that Swan tried to hide in his eyes.  
He didn't know what was wrong with him.  
After it, they lay naked in his bed, smoke a cigarette and Swan strokes down his naked body. It didn't feels like tiny explosions. It felt nice but never the way Media described it. More like getting petted. It felt like a lie to touch Swan back, so he didn't. 

After Swan is gone, he hides his face in his pillow. It still smells like him. It's comforting, but not exiting.  
He curls his body around it, feeling wrong and ugly and like a liar. 

The next day he skipped breakfast, and took one of Kavinskys Pills instead because he still felt awful and it would be alright, but at school his stomach is growling and even that would have been alright if Swan didn't had to call it out.  
They sit next to each other in history when Swan leans over:  
"Would you please eat something? It's fucking annoying." His breath is hot against Skovs Neck. It felt wrong.  
"You're annoying, shit head" His head is spinning but he's not going to eat. He felt like he didn't deserved it.  
-  
Jiang had many problems in his early life and meeting Kavinsky, who gave pills out like sweets and took lines for breakfast, Jiang was drawn to him like a moth to light.  
The wild partys and soft evenings and everything in between was the biggest, wrongest coping mechanism he could find.  
It was better than the long scars on his arms and it was worse because now sometimes his nose starts to bleed and nobody was there to help not get his clothes dirty. 

Sometimes, he looks down at Lynchs leather bracelets and wonders what's hidden under them. He thinks he knows. 

-  
They met at Kavinskys' to smoke weed in the basement and watch shitty TV and eat shitty snacks. It's the end of the summer and everyone is sad about it without saying anything. But everything is kind of alright. But then Kavinsky looks at his phone and tries 12 solid minutes to write a message.  
Proko looks over his shoulder.  
His chest aches at the unanswered text messages that Kavinsky sent to fucking Lynch.  
"Just leave him, K" Kavinskys looks up and his eyes are dangerous. Proko ducks his head and goes to the other end of the room, to make another joint. 

The whole Pack is spread over the carpet like puppy's after an exhausting day. They shared several joints, the air is thick with smoke and Proko is nearly asleep. Someone, probably Jiang and Swan, talk to each other with low voices. Something silly about Harry Potter begin bisexual. As if Joanne would do something like that.  
Proko doesn't want to listen. He looks over to them. He sees Swan stroking Jiangs scars and it's kinda sweet and kinda awful to look at. 

Kavinsky, like the king himself, is slumped over the sofa and flicks his lighter on and of. The flame makes his cheeks look hollow. His eyes are sad, everything on him looks sad. Proko crawls over Skov, who is asleep, curled up and his face buried against Swans thigh, to get to Kavinsky.  
"Hey" he mumbles and takes the lighter out of his hand.  
He doesn't react.  
"K?" Proko tries again and when Kavinsky still doesn't move a muscle, he leans against him in silent solidarity. 

Later that day, when the boys are gone and they are just Kavinsky and Proko again, he lays a sorry hand on Kavinskys thigh.  
He gets pushed away and Kavinsky stands up, shaky and wavery.  
Proko follows him, pathetic like he is, his head spinning.  
'It's alright' he tries so say because it just had to be. It always was. 

Kavinsky leans his forehead against the fridge and for a short moment, his skinny, hollow body trembles in silent sobs.  
Proko tries to comfort him with a hand on his shoulder.  
Nothing was alright anymore because of fucking Ronan Lynch. And Proko had no idea of what to do now. 

-

The next morning, when Proko was still asleep next to him, Kavinsky opened his eyes and then his fist. What's inside of it looks like the color of Lynchs eyes and smells like Henrietta summer and feels as hot as that one touch that he got. The thing is glowing and he can see Prokos freckled face in the dark and he cletches the dream to his chest and desperately wants to show the softness that's still inside of him.  
He puts his phone out and Ronan hasn't answered any of his text and he looks at the thing again, closes his eyes and dreams of soft hands on his face.


End file.
